Envy

Rick Grimes felt as though he was waiting for a shoe to drop. How he’d let Shane talk him into this he’d never know. There was no point putting his life in danger for something he was sure they couldn’t pull off.

“We’ve got to get home,” he told Shane. “The others will be worried, especially Carl.”

Shane was shaking his head. “No, man, I’m telling you. We can do this.”

“What’s the deal?” Rick asked. “Why are you really so determined to do it?”

Shane shrugged. “We need those supplies.”

Rick put a hand on Shane’s shoulder to stop him from approaching the walker-infested store.

“You go in there, against twenty walkers, you ain’t coming out alive.”

“I will if you man up and come with me,” Shane shot back.

“This is about Michonne,” said Rick.

“Not everything is about her,” Shane said tensely.

Rick knew it was a lie. Everything eventually came back to her. It always came back to Michonne, the woman Shane hadn’t even liked when she first came to their camp. Michonne, the woman who’d proven to be a valuable member of the camp and won everyone’s respect and admiration, Shane’s included. The woman who had taken Carl under her wing after Lori’s death at the hands of walkers and become a second mother to him. Michonne, who had chosen Rick over Shane, despite how often he tried to convince her that he was the better man, the better provider, the better ally to have at her back.

“You comin’ or not?”

“Not.”

That was another lie. Rick knew it, as did Shane, because he surged forward and opened fire, drawing the attention of the crowd. He switched to the machete he’d taken to carrying, hacking down one after another. Finally Rick joined in. He couldn’t stand by and watch a man, who was slowly letting petty jealousy turn him from friend to enemy, die as he tried to take the store and win supplies for their people.

When the shooting and the hacking stopped he and Shane stood victorious.

“Told you we could do it. You back the truck up to the store. I’m going in.”

“There could be more inside.”

“If you hear me hollerin’, you come runnin,’” Shane replied, and disappeared into the shadowy depths of the store.

*****

The camp was astonished to see the back of the truck loaded up with supplies when Rick and Shane came back. They took another car, along with a jeep after emptying the truck and made another trip back to finish cleaning out the storeroom at the back of the store, as well as what was left on the shelves. Overall it was an all-day job and well worth the effort.

Fish were cooked up on the grill that night, and the grownups indulged a little in drink from the wine taken from the store while the kids enjoyed cans of soda that were cooled in the water from the quarry. Nobody was allowed to get drunk, in case of a walker attack, but they pushed the boundaries in their desire to celebrate the good fortune the Fates so rarely bestowed upon them. 

Michonne started for her tent, ready to call it a night. She thought Rick would follow her so she wasn’t surprised when she heard someone come in and then wrap arms around her. She knew at once it wasn’t Rick, by feel of the man behind her as well as the smell of him. She turned and found Shane staring at her.

“Michonne,” he whispered.

“You’re drunk, Shane. Go to your tent, sleep it off.”

“I ain’t drunk. I swear I ain’t,” he insisted. Perhaps he wasn’t. His eyes were too clear for that.

Shane smothered Michonne’s lips with a kiss that she immediately tried to pull away from, but he was squeezing her too closely and she couldn’t break the connection. Michonne pushed at him but he held on. As capable a warrior as she was, she wasn’t physically stronger than Shane and she was going to have to hurt him to make him back off.

Finally she was able to speak when he attempted to kiss her neck.

“Shane, stop it,” she hissed. God only knew what would happen if Rick walked in on them. She feared blood would be shed, and she feared it would be Rick’s.

“I’m better for you than he is,” Shane said, heatedly. “He couldn’t protect Lori.”

“You didn’t either,” Michonne pointed out, and the words hurt him.

“She wasn’t mine to protect.”

“You wanted her to be. I could see it,” she said, trying to get free of his grip. “Let go, Shane. You can’t have someone just to spite Rick.”

“What I feel for you is real, Michonne. Ain’t got shit to do with Rick. Just gimme a chance to show you. I can satisfy you like he can’t.”

Michonne was alarmed when Shane pushed her onto the floor of the tent. In close quarters it was hard for her to get any kind of leverage. Michonne began to panic.

“Shane, stop it! Stop!”

His hands were everywhere, pushing up under her shirt to grope her breasts, shoving her pants down in an effort to reach her womanhood, even holding her hands above her head while he pushed unwanted kisses along her jawline and neck. She struggled underneath him, feeling his hardness against her, repulsing her, scaring her.

“Get off!”

She slapped him once, twice, then shoved hard at him. Shane seemed to wake up from his lust-fueled haze and he backed away, crouching low across from her. Both of them breathed heavily, trying to catch their breath.

“You ever touch me again I’ll kill you,” Michonne vowed. “I’ll tell Rick about this if you come near me, I swear it. Now get out.”

*****

Shane wiped at his lips, thinking he was never going to get the taste of Michonne out of his mouth, that he would never stop wanting her. Could he rape a woman? There was a time when he would have answered that question with a resounding no and without hesitation. So much had happened since the turn. He was a different man. A whole new animal. He started to wonder what he would do if the chance came for him to have Michonne once and for all. Any other man in the camp like him, Shane would see him as a threat and kick him out at best, kill him at worst.

He left the tent and started toward his own. Rick got up from the fire where he was talking with Andrea, Jim, and Jacqui, laughing happily, oblivious to what had gone down between Shane and his woman. Rick stood, a bottle of wine in hand, and started for Michonne’s tent. Their eyes met and Shane came to a stop.

“I hate what you got with her,” Shane said, being completely honest.

“I know. You always have,” Rick answered.

“You got a good woman in Michonne.”

Rick nodded. “Find someone you can call your own and be happy. Otherwise, you and I are gonna have a real problem, Shane.”

Shane watched Rick move on, disappearing into Michonne’s tent. He watched the tent for a long time before going into his own and lying down. He couldn’t shake from his head the knowledge that at that moment Michonne was giving to Rick what she should have been giving to him, and the envy was more than he could stand, but stand it he would have to. He had no choice. Michonne had made her choice, and it was Rick. He was just going to have to live with it.