Lori On Her Own

I'm Lori Grimes.

I'm alone.

Those were the only facts she had as her fuzzy mind struggled to clear, to remember. She was Lori Grimes and she was alone.

The ground beneath her was wet. She was being rained on. She had a terrible, throbbing pain at the back of her head that kept pace and time with her heart. She could feel twigs under her, sharp little things that poked at her skin. Her right foot was bare.

With that inventory completed Lori gave herself time to think, to remember. When the memories hit she panicked and sat up.

"Carl!"

There was no answer. She saw she was alone, in the forest, her right shoe hanging from the lowest branch above her. Dizziness nearly sent her back into unconsciousness. She took a few moments to catch her breath and adjust.

Carl wasn't with her. He was with Shane and the others. That was good. It was she who was alone, not her boy. She stood a chance at surviving and getting back to him.

Very carefully, Lori stood up and pulled her shoe from the tree. She'd had to climb it to escape a group of walkers. She must've fallen asleep from the heat and pure exhaustion.

Once she had her shoe back on she looked at her surroundings. She'd takes off just as dusk had fallen. She lost the light just as she'd settled into the tree for safety, to keep out of reach of the walkers. Lucky for her their night vision was as bad as hers. They lost her trail and she'd stayed put, but nobody had found her yet.

How long was I on the ground?

The idea she could've been on the ground, exposed, for a long time disturbed Lori. She could've been unconscious when a walker, or a group of them, came upon her. She could've awakened to the feel of being eaten alive. The thought made her shudder.

It didn't happen so stop wasting time worrying about what could've been.

Lori saw nothing that could be a trail except the torn up ground from the walkers. Her problem was...which way did she go? There was no way to tell if she should go left or right.

Which way did I climb the tree?

She saw some torn bark where her boots had scraped the tree as she'd struggled to climb. She turned to the trail left by the walkers. That was the way she'd come when they chased her. The walkers had moved on, deeper into the trees.

Feeling wobbly on her legs, and thirsty, Lori started on what she prayed was the path home to her son...and Shane.

Shane. What the fuck was going on with them? What was she doing? Only a week after her husband died, after seeing the military bomb Atlanta, they'd slept together. Lori smiled to herself. She'd never know why people said 'slept' together. Sleeping was the furthest thing from what they'd done.

She hated herself for it. She saw her actions as weak. At the same time she couldn't quite bring herself to regret it. Shane was a lifeline to her. Just being near him had helped her to keep going. He was so eager to share in her feelings. They both loved Rick. They both grieved for him. They missed him. 

They were afraid for their future. Keeping Carl safe was their top priority.

When the hug had turned into something more, a heated kiss that led to fiery passion in the bushes off from that crowded road that night, she could feel he'd been as caught off guard as she had. It had been a moment, a few minutes break from the fear and grief, and the pervading loneliness that threatened to drive them both mad. When it was over they'd both quickly dressed and hurried to be away from another. Confusion and shame was what they'd felt.

Now, Lori would give anything to get back to Shane. He'd take her to her son. They'd get back to the group they were forming. They'd survive, together.

She recognized the bushes. She recognized the little rose bush she passed to go pee. She could smell the stink of open sewage from where others did their business. Discarded tissues littered the area. She hurried along, uncaring what she stepped in, her arms anxious to wrap around her boy...only to find the area deserted.

They'd left her behind.

"No…" She said, unaware she'd spoken.

There were bits of paper, empty cans, and a pair of jeans left hanging up to dry. It was all that was left of their camp.

…

Lori had no choice but to walk. They were in a dead end so she knew they'd have had no choice but to take the road out. Something had happened to force them to flee. There was no way Shane would've taken off without her unless Carl's life would've been in danger had he stayed.

The heat was unbearable. There were clouds in the sky but they stubbornly refused to block the sun and give her a break. Lori had stopped sweating. Her throat was so dry it stuck shut when she swallowed.

She kept an ear out. Her heart would jump in her chest at every sound. She feared the dead. She feared the living, too. People were not animals, they were monsters. They would often do terrible things simply because they could. Animals hunted and killed to survive. Man did it for sport. Animals mated to keep the species going. Man raped for pleasure.

Lori heard a vehicle approach. She immediately rushed to the side of the road, her heart not trusting that the sound if the vehicle was familiar. She looked for it to crest the hill and when she saw Shane behind the wheel she wept and jumped out. She had plenty of room on the side of the road but he still swerved and slammed on the breaks.

"Shane!" she wept.

"Oh, my God!"

"Carl?"

"Safe. He's safe."

He spun her around, squeezed her so tight she could scarcely breathe. He stood there, holding her, and she could almost imagine he was Rick. Almost...but she didn't really want to. They were two different men, and being honest with herself, Shane was a better fit for her. Rick had been like a glove, too small, tight, restrictive, but she'd loved him anyway. Shane...it was like he'd been molded for her.

"Thirsty…"

"Here."

He grabbed a canteen from the back of the jeep. Lori drank until it was empty. She was still thirsty but not nearly as dry. She felt the effects almost at once. Her eyes had felt as though they were drying out. Now they moistened and tears stung at her eyes.

Shane sat her in the passenger seat and blasted the air conditioning. The cold air coming from the vent was such a relief she moaned.

They'd swore it was a one-time thing, making love, but after cooling down, clothes came off. They kissed, moaned, worked their bodies together in a desperate bid to reach climax. They came together, screamed each other's names, collapsed together in a sweating pile of weakened limbs.

"I had to run," Lori said, as they pulled their clothes back on. "Spent the night in a tree. Woke up on the ground, head hurting."

Shane's fingers felt for the lump on the back of Lori's head.

"It's not so bad," he assured her. Shane put the jeep in gear and pulled a u-turn. He'd started back for the new camp. Back to Carl.

"We had to run. Last thing I wanted but there were so many. I...I was scared they'd got you...when you came out of the bushes…"

"It's okay," she said, squeezing his hand. "Thank you for keeping Carl safe."

"I'd die for that kid. For you, too."

She kissed him on the cheek but kept hold of his hand until the jeep returned to camp. She was out before the jeep could fully stop, and it was like a sweet dream holding Carl in her arms, safe and sound. A sweet dream she prayed would never end.