Fear And Loathing Part 1

"Wait a second, what do you mean you hate tuxedo's?"

Carl shrugged and dipped his spoon into his cream of wheat. Rick sat bacon on the table and Carl began to crumble it into his hot cereal. It looked pretty appetizing to Michonne but her stomach was still rolling from her latest session of making out with the toilet.

"A shrug ain't an answer, son," Rick pointed out, and watched Judith grab a handful of cereal to put into her mouth. She managed to wipe it over half her face so Rick used a rag to clean her up.

"I just don't like the way it'll make me look," he answered. "You know, like an idiot."

"You have to wear a tux. You're my best man," Rick said. "Unless you've changed your mind."

"No! I want you two to get married," he said sincerely. "I just don't want to look like a dork while you do it."

"I'll be in a tux," Rick pointed out.

Carl rolled his eyes as if to say 'my point exactly.' This earned him a playful kick under the table from his father.

"You're wearing a tux," Michonne said. "Suck it up, it's only for one night."

"What's Judy gonna wear?" Carl asked.

"A cute little pink dress with lots of frills," Michonne said. "It's either the tux or I can make you a dress to match your sisters."

Carl rolled his eyes again. He was heavy on the teenage disdain this morning. He scraped his bowl clean and stretched. "I'm heading out to the fishing hole with Will."

"Sure you're not also going to see Zoe?" asked Rick.

At once Carl's face began to redden. "W-what do you mean?"

"He mean's Will's seventeen-year-old sister," Michonne supplied, as though it was a valid question Carl asked and not a deliberate evasion. "Surely you remember the girl I'm talking about? You must have seen her once or twice. She's tall, pretty, with long red wavy hair and bright green eyes."

"And freckles, Honey. Don't forget the freckles," Rick teased.

"Yes, freckles. Thank you, Sweetie, for reminding me of the freckles."

"I know who she is and I know what she looks like," Carl groused in embarrassment.

"Don't sass your mother," Rick said, around a mouthful of eggs and bacon.

"I'm not sassing. I'm going to see Will and the guys. It's not my fault Zoe will be there. Jeeze!" He stomped upstairs to get his swim trunks while Michonne and Rick shared a moment of laughter.

"Bite!" Judy yelled, pointing at the bacon.

"Just one piece of bacon. She gets pukey if she eats more than that," Michonne said. She kissed Rick quickly and then headed for the kitchen door. She grabbed the keys to her cart. She was properly showing now, and the sight of it made Rick smile.

"Here comes your deputy," she said.

"I've got three, which one?"

"Christine."

Rick sighed. He'd told Michonne all about Christine's odd behavior since the battle at the Northeast Gate. Michonne, for her part, wasn't at all concerned. "Okay."

She smiled sympathetically. "I'll be with Maggie. We're going to be fitted for maternity wear. See you this evening."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Morning, Christine," Michonne said, stepping out.

"Rick here?" Christine said, not interested in as much as sparing Michonne a glance. Perhaps, Michonne mused, she didn't want to see her belly which was swollen with Rick's child, and have to face the reality that she was more than just some easily replaceable fling for Rick Grimes.

"Inside. Go on in."

Rick watched Christine Todd enter his kitchen with a mixture of curiosity and unease. She didn't try too hard to hide her feelings for him, which were more than platonic or professional, which often led to her saying or doing something that made him tense. She was one of those women who didn't seem capable of taking a hint. He was one inappropriate word or touch away from bluntly telling her to back off.

"Morning, Chief."

"Chris. What brings you to my house on a Saturday morning?"

"Two things. One, I wanted to congratulate you on being considered for the new Secretary of Defense position. Ernie McGinnis was a good man. I can't think of anyone better suited to replace him than you," she said with a slightly misty-eyed expression.

"Thank you. What else?"

"Part of the south wall caved last night from walker pressure. They're still trying to shore it up. The West brothers are on it now but they're having issues with walkers pushing in."

"I'll go check it out myself," he said, "as soon as I find a sitter for Judy."

"I can watch her."

"That wouldn't be appropriate," Rick said.

Christine frowned. "Really? Why?"

"I think we both know why. Christine, you've been fairly obvious about your feelings for me," said Rick. He wasn't sure how to take the half gasp, half laugh that came from Christine.

"Rick," she said, taking his hand. "You know?"

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious," he replied, and pulled his hand from hers.

She looked confused for a moment when he pulled back. "Am I wrong when I see the same feelings for me in your eyes?"

"Yes, you are wrong. Christine, I love Michonne," Rick explained.

Her face fell. He marveled at how she could have deluded herself into thinking he felt anything for her other than friendship, and even that was shaky. She spooked Rick. It seemed to him she'd begun to lose touch with reality.

"But…you're only with her because you knew her when you were on the outside. You didn't have anybody else. Now you're here, in the sanctuaries, a part of our community. There are better choices for you, Rick."

Rick stared at her a moment, feeling his ire rise. "Better choices, Christine?"

"Yes, Rick. Better choices."

"Like you?"

"Yes, of course."

"What makes you better than Michonne?"

Now Christine was beginning to get angry. He was playing dumb, asking questions he knew the answers to already. "What do you think, Rick? I'm one of your people. We're the same kind. Out there you had to take what you could get. In here you have choices."

Rick's heart was beating fast with anger. "You think I'm with Michonne because I was desperate, but now I can choose a white woman so I should kick her to the curb?"

"I know you're a man of integrity. It's one of the reasons I love you so much, but you don't owe her anything! You need a woman to mother your children, I get that. I'm more than capable-"

"I'm not with Michonne out of desperation and your bigotry is not welcome in my house. It's not welcome in my life, for that matter."

"What?" she said in confusion.

"Bigots like you have always sickened me," he told her. "Look, Christine, I'm gonna be upfront with you. I wouldn't touch you if you were literally the last woman on earth. How's that for me choosing a woman out of desperation?"

"You don't mean that."

"Yeah, I do. I'm transferring you to Sanctuary Two. I'm also going to recommend that you be relieved of your position of authority because I don't think you can do this job objectively. You have to deal with all races and you know what? I won't stand by and let this new civilization we're building have people of your ilk in power. Get out of my house."

She stared at him in open-mouthed shock. "Rick, you can't be-I don't hate black people. We just weren't meant to mix!"

He saw Merle Dixon flash before his vision, plain as day, and felt a wave of disgust for the memory of the man as well as the woman standing before him.

"I said get out," he said plainly. "Submit your badge and your official firearm to Hank at the station as soon as you leave here. You'll be off-duty until your transfer to S2 comes in."

She looked numb as she walked out of the house. She stopped and cast one last look back at the man she'd fallen so hard for. She didn't see any of the love she thought she'd seen in his eyes previously. Still in shock, Christine left Rick Grimes' house and headed to follow orders to turn in her badge and gun.

"Dad?" Carl asked, when Christine was gone.

"Yeah?" Rick asked on a heavy sigh.

"That woman is crazy. Be careful of her."

Rick nodded in agreement. "Will do. No you go have fun swimming with your friends. And Zoe."

Carl nodded and left the house but he didn't get through the door without a concerned look at his father before he left.

---

It wasn't until an hour had passed and Christine sat in the apartment she rented downtown, barely two blocks from the police station, that the shock wore off. Anger began to overtake Christine.

That sonofabitch, she thought. He's choosing some nigger over me?

She had to confess she'd never understood people who couldn't comprehend that whites were God's chosen people, that they were genetically superior as well as divinely favored, and had been created to rule over not just the animals, but the lesser races. It had nothing to do with hate and everything to do with how God and Mother Nature had designed things.

Good-looking, strong, white men of integrity were hard to find after the Turn. So she could understand how a man like Rick Grimes could have lost his way. Perhaps his parents hadn't brought him up right. They'd probably been Liberals and Democrats pre-Turn. That wasn't Rick's fault. She could forgive his upbringing to a point. One couldn't be faulted if they hadn't been taught right to begin with. Once they had been told, however, there simply wasn't a reason for them to choose to wallow in the filth of the lower races and mix with them.

Rick Grimes was so lost, so traumatized by his time in the wild, that he couldn't see that planting his seed in dirty soil was only going to produce half-blood filth.

Her feelings for Rick had always been there, from the time she started training under him and then moved to S1. Unable to stand being away from him, she'd volunteered to fight the battle of the Northeast Gate. She'd hoped he'd stand by her side but he'd chosen his nigger warrior girl instead. It wasn't a surprise Michonne was so capable with that sword. Darkies were violent creatures by nature, like the gorillas and monkeys they looked like. That didn't make her wife material for a strong white man.

There has to be something I can do to open his eyes to the truth. He's going to corrupt his son and his daughter if he stays with that black bitch...

Christine came up short and smiled as an idea came to her. She knew just what needed to be done. Michonne had to be eliminated. Once she was gone he would grieve for her, undoubtedly, but he would also get over her.

With my help, Christine thought.

She would be there to pick up the pieces of Rick's shattered heart. First, however, she had to break it.



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