Guilt

Rick Grimes was fucking Maggie Greene and he couldn’t believe it was happening.

It had started out fairly simple. He went to find her after she wandered off in the new housing development they’d settled in for the night. Glenn was distant. They’d not only lost Beth but now they’d lost Tyreese as well and he was shutting down. It seemed that this journey was going to eat them all alive. Glenn’s closing down came as a surprise to Rick. The man had held up after losing Beth but perhaps losing another of the family so soon after was hitting him hard, all at once.

When Rick found Maggie he’d expected her to be crying. She wasn’t. She was angry. She’d found an ax and she’d unleashed her anger on some walkers. There were six of them lying in a bloodied mushy mess and she was still hacking at one. It was eerie how quiet she was. How empty her eyes were.

“Maggie!” Rick said, gripping her wrist.

She wasn’t in her right mind. She attacked him. Maybe she thought he was another walker. Maybe she just didn’t care as long as she had something to hack up.

“Maggie!” he said, wresting the ax from her hand and gripping her arms.

“Rick?” she said. Yeah, she’d not been aware of who he was.

“Are you okay?”

She shook her head but didn’t elaborate. She was filthy, covered in blood spatter. She pulled away from him and just walked blindly into the nearest house. Or, he’d thought at first, it was blind. The back door was already open. He surmised that the walkers Maggie had put down had come from this house.

He still checked the rooms. He still gave her privacy to go into the bathroom downstairs. He heard the shower run. He waited in the living room, sitting on a cushy couch. He was going to have to get her to open up. She was dangerous as long as she was careless.

He heard her footfall and looked up. She was stark naked, still with that vacant look in her eyes, like she wasn’t aware of him. Her clothes were sopping wet. She’d tried to wash them and now she hung them up on the ridiculously huge flatscreen TV to dry.

“Maggie? I think you may be in shock.”

He was about to get up and offer her his shirt when she turned and walked toward him. He didn’t know what to expect, but Maggie straddling him and pushing her tongue into his mouth wasn’t it. He sat frozen for a moment, his mind reeling, before he came to his senses and pushed her back.

“Maggie, you’re not yourself right now.”

She didn’t say anything. Somehow she’d undone his jeans without him noticing. Probably while he was sitting in shock from her shoving her tongue into his mouth and kissing him like the whole planet was going to explode at any second. She started kissing him again but he pushed her away.

“Help me,” she said.

“Maggie--you’re married.”

She began to grind against him. She was wet. He could feel it through his boxers. His body traitorously reacted, making him stiffen so hard, so fast, it was nearly painful. Painful, in a good way. He vaguely realized he was kissing her back and he wasn’t doing anything to put a stop to her advances. He felt like shit. He felt like a traitor but it had been far too long since he’d been with a woman and he rationalized that he was only human. He had needs too.

They shouldn’t be met like this. Not with a married woman he was using to get his rocks off.

Now he was balls deep inside Maggie.

“Feel something. Anything but pain,” she panted, riding him so fast and hard he couldn’t have stopped her if he wanted to.

It was too late to go back now. It was too late to stop. He flipped her onto her back. She kept her legs tightly wrapped around him and he slid back in easily. God, this was stupid. Thoughts like they could get caught, they weren’t using protection, unwanted babies, breaking up a marriage all played through the back of his head as he rode her, feeling her body tense around him, her nails dig into his back and his hand gripping one strong thigh while the other gripped the arm of the couch. He was thrusting so fucking hard he was physically driving her head toward the couch arm.

Maggie threw a hand up to halt her progress and bit into his shoulder. God, the pain was good. It kept his mind sharp. Kept him focused. He wasn’t going to let himself cum until he felt her release, despite the fact that he hadn’t had pussy in over a year and a half. He pumped, hard, making her physically grunt with each thrust until he felt her come around him. He lost it literally seconds after, spilling his seed thick and hot deep inside her body.

Almost as soon as he came he got up and sat back, guilt burning in his belly, along with self-loathing and a sense of disgust that he hadn’t been stronger. Jesus. He’d fucked Maggie of all people. He watched as she sat up and stared at her clothes, dripping down the once-expensive TV set. She started laughing. It had a hysterical quality to it that worried Rick.

“Maggie.”

She looked at him with tears brimming in her eyes.

“Am I pathetic or what? I get upset and cheat on my husband and I don’t even care. You look like you feel guilty for what we just did. Don’t. I don’t.”

She got up and walked to the TV. She had a great body. He’d noticed it before but he never thought he’d feel it from the inside. She pulled her wet clothes on and turned to look at him.

“We’re all gonna die, Rick. Sooner rather than later. May as well do what we want.”

“Is that your philosophy now?”

She nodded. “You’re a great lay. I always thought you would be. Let’s go. The others will wonder where we are.”

“What about Glenn?”

Maggie shrugged. “Like he’d care. Our marriage isn’t all sunshine and roses, Rick. Lately…I don’t feel like I’m his wife at all.”

She left and he hurried to zip up and follow. He resolved he’d never touch her again. He resolved he wouldn’t stab Glenn in the back another time but he felt a little less guilt. He knew what it was like to be in a marriage that wasn’t working and at the end of the day Maggie was right. They were gonna die sooner rather than later. He wasn’t going to let the guilt eat at him any longer than he had to.